Rant

Dating Tips From Your Average Anxious Girl

Posted on by notsovictorious431

Hey guys! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, it’s hard for me to find time in the day to just sit down and write. Anyways, since I posted last (about my devastation over the loss of a possible relationship), a lot has happened. I stopped talking to that guy until I could feel like I could hold a conversation as just friends. Later on, he asked me out again and, because he seemed much more serious this time, I said yes. We actually went on a date and that gave me some inspiration to share some tips to help my fellow date-goers. So here are dating tips from your average anxious girl:

  • Take a deep breath. Obviously this person asked you out because they like you (or this person agreed to a date because they like you), so take a moment to appreciate that before thinking the worst.
  • Listen to some feel-good music or watch your favorite TV show before the date to get you in a good mood.
  • Talk to your friends and vent your worries. This way you can get most of it out of your system beforehand and avoid a freak-out.
  • Wear something that makes you feel good. This is a great way to feel comfortable in your own skin and make good use of something you have complete control over.
  • Pick somewhere you are comfortable at if you can. That way you can focus on the date and not have to worry about what to get or what the atmosphere will be like. This can also help a lag in conversation if you know something about where you are.
  • Whatever you end up doing, try to focus on an activity so it’s okay if there isn’t constant conversation. Examples being: watching a movie, mini golf, bowling, etc.
  • Excuse yourself to the bathroom if you need a breather. There is no shame in going to the bathroom like a normal human being and it’s a good time to text your friends if you are freaking out.
  • Tell them if you are uncomfortable. There is no reason for you to feel uncomfortable with this person and if you feel like you can’t voice that, get out while you can.
  • Set boundaries for each date, if not out loud then at least in your mind. This way you won’t move at the wrong pace and they can know what type of cheesy rom-com move to make by the end of the night.
  • Talk about pacing as soon as possible. So no one is ‘put-out’ or made uncomfortable, talking about pacing is key.
  • When in doubt, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, so if there is an extra-long lag, ask them a question about themselves.

I hope this helps! Granted, I mistakenly didn’t follow some of this advice myself, but I am following this by heart for the next date. Last piece of advice: If a guy is nice enough to ask if they can kiss you, try to come up with a better response than ‘I don’t know.’. Yeah I did that. Not one of my finer moments but to be fair I didn’t know his intentions. Now that I do who knows what will happen? As always, I will update you as to what happens next. Until later, prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

(He’s) In Love With A Girl

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Here is Gavin DeGraw’s In Love With A Girl. I love the sound of this song and the subtle harmonies that add to the tone of Gavin DeGraw’s voice. I didn’t choose the original music video because it has a girl in her underwear for no reason and isn’t that great of a music video (in my opinion). Anyways, I choose this song because I found out the guy I was ‘talking’ to (A term meaning you have talked about going out/are interested in each other but aren’t dating yet) is in love with someone else. He kept canceling our plans and ignoring my texts, so I asked a mutual friend to see what was going on. That friend avoided the topic until I brought it up and then proceeded to tell me that my guy is in love with someone else (who is out of state). The worst part about the whole situation is that I didn’t even find out from my guy and had to hear an apology from someone else. So I took the high road and told him how I felt and said I hoped we could still be friends. He said that it would be hard for him and that he’s going through a lot of stuff right now. So apparently you can be in love with someone but still have enough feelings for someone else that you can’t even be friends with them? I’m sorry, but that’s just a bunch of crap. Anyways, I haven’t heard from him since and I don’t want to text him first (seeming desperate) even though I’m worried about him. But since he obviously doesn’t care about me, I’m not going to let him know I care about him (I’m sure that will show him). Rant over. Until later, have hope even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh Why Can I Not Conquer Love?

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Here is Sia’s Elastic Heart. I’m totally digging on this song right now (new catch phrase) so I thought I would share it. I choose her performance on The Voice because there was a lot of controversy over her original video. This live performance also makes the song more emotional and it is much easier to understand the lyrics. Though this performance may have its imperfections, I think it humanizes an otherwise caricature of a singer. Anyways, I’m back blogging again and of course a lot happened while I was on my break. In short, I had a bonfire party for my friends, got an award on awards day, finished up my sophomore year, and have applied for over a dozen jobs (nothing yet on that). Oh yeah and I got asked out! I was honestly at a low point (because school was over and all my friends were busy) and it was a total confidence boost for me. But it all came crashing down when he canceled our (first date) plans last minute and told me it wouldn’t happen until next week because he is going on a family vacation. On top of that, he isn’t going to check his phone all week to spend time with his family. If I were out dating in the real world, I would totally think he was blowing me off, but this is high school and boys haven’t become that clever yet. So I’m basically stuck waiting around for him to get back from vacation.  We are in this awkward “I like you, you like me, but we haven’t gone on a date yet” phase, so I feel like I can’t hold him to anything either. Rant over. Wish me luck, and as always I will keep you updated. Until later, don’t sit around waiting for something to happen to you, go out there and make something happen (I promise I will try to follow my own advice).

I Try To Live Without Regrets

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This is the Jonas Brothers’ Paranoid. I’ve been listening to my Demi Lovato Pandora station in order to power through homework, and almost every other song is a Jonas Brothers song (for good reason of course), so I’m getting back into this type of music. Though this song came out when I was only 10, I still listen to it and love it.  It’s a very random video, so do be warned, but the ending makes up for it and it’s pretty good quality for the 2000s. I’ve been pretty busy lately, with the end of the school year coming up-it’s very stressful and emotional to say the least. So it was super nice to take a field trip today and get away from it all of course, but it turned out differently than I expected. So there’s this guy who I had a major crush at the very beginning of the school year, but since then I have gotten to know him better and realize how stupid I was to have a thing for him. Anyways, we are friends now and today while we were hanging out, all my ensemble members (fellow theatre kids) were joking that we were a couple. And it didn’t help that when I was trying to convince them that I don’t like him anymore, I started blushing like crazy out of embarrassment (it happens all the time considering I have pasty skin and am constantly warm). Later on, he decided to tell me “If it makes you feel any better, I would date you, just so you know.” So of course I ask what that means because I do not deal with cryptic messages well. Apparently, if we weren’t in theatre together (because it’s advised not to date within the department), he would date me. Still figuring out how to deal with it right now, because he’s not quite what I’m looking for in a relationship, but I have been really craving one lately. Because most of my friends are avoiding me due to the move and the fact that furthering friendships is almost waste of time, I have really wanted someone to really be there for me as of late. Sorry for the rant. We will see what happens and of course I will update you. Until later, know that your wishes may come true a little later than you’d expect.

Thought It Would Be Over By Now

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Here is Delilah’s cover of Survivor by Destiny’s Child. This is the best acapella version out there, even though it’s only just one verse and the chorus. This is from NBC’s The Sing-Off, my favorite reality show of all time, where acapella groups compete for a recording contract. This is Delilah’s swan song, because they got voted off the show (rightfully so) for not being able to top their first performance of the season. Anyways, I choose this song because I recently was dealt some interesting news. My ex-boyfriend texted me out of the blue, and to my surprise he didn’t beg for me back (just kidding-I knew that wasn’t happening). He told me that he needed to tell me something that he was having trouble telling his family. This was almost the same conversation I had with one of my friends last year, so I figured out what was coming pretty quickly. He told me he was gay and had been trying to suppress his feelings for a while. I literally had just gotten over him and to find out that he never really felt the same way really hurt. It almost felt like the whole relationship was fake. At that moment, everything made sense. Why he never made a physical move on me, why he broke up with me, all the girlfriends he’s had in the past and the fact that he didn’t have his first kiss with any of them (or me). I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it but I’m happy for him. And the fact that he isn’t going to hurt any other girls trying to suppress his feelings makes me feel a little better (but not by much). I hope that his family will support him, and even if they don’t, I will. Because that’s what (ex girl) friends are for. Until later, keep on surviving.

But What Else Can I Do?

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Hey readers! Here is The Script’s The Man Who Can’t Be Moved. This is the original music video, which is decent, but I honestly could just close my eyes and listen to the song to get the emotion from it. I heard this song the other day and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s just packed with this utter devotion to someone who is clearly loved. He went back to where they met and just waited for her. I know it sounds sappy but that’s what love truly is to me. And I want that so bad. It’s songs like this one that make me realize I was nowhere close to love, or that type of love at least. It makes me feel better at the same time ironically enough. Even though I still am upset about the breakup, I’m starting to realize that because I didn’t fight for it, what I had wasn’t worth that much to me. When I was still in the relationship all I did was emphasize the positives, hope they would repeat, and ignore the negatives. And that’s not healthy. I used to get so upset when my relatives would say ‘Oh it’s just the first one honey there will plenty more.’ (while I was still in the relationship mind you), but now I’ve figured out that they are right. Now I know better about certain things that I was too naive to understand before. And though I am nowhere near to thanking my ex for that or even talking to him (I haven’t made actual eye contact yet), I feel a lot better. And obviously he does because he had a date to a recent school dance. As much as I wanted to go and show him (and everyone else)  that I can have a good time without him, I just couldn’t do it. Everything in my gut was telling me not to go. And even the fates seemed to agree (because there was almost no way for me to get there). And though I am regretting it just a little, I promised myself that next time I would put on my big girl panties and do it. Wow I went off an a tangent there. Oh well-it all needed to be said anyways. Until later, if you are that devoted to someone, don’t wait for them to come to you-go out and find them yourself.

I Got Pins And Needles On My Tongue

Posted on by notsovictorious431

This is Kelly Clarkson’s Heartbeat Song. I heard this song on the radio the other day and honestly had no clue that it was Kelly Clarkson at first. She’s one of my favorite artists and I’m so glad she’s back, even if she changed her sound a little. I like the concept of this video and how it works with the song. It obviously begins with people who just got broken up with and eventually transitions into them finding love again. At first I thought the music video was going backwards and showing the relationships they just got out of and was like that’s awful/has nothing to do with the song. Very clear on the concept now. I’m actually really happy for Kelly Clarkson because most of her songs were about breakups and losses of love and now she has someone she is going to spend the rest of her life with. I really want that. Not right now obviously, because getting married in high school is more of a West Virginia thing (just kidding). No, I just really like that feeling of being with someone who understands you but loves you anyways (and calls you beautiful preferably). And yes, I know I can get that from friends and family but it’s not the same. Some days I almost wish I hadn’t gotten close to loving a person because I now I actually know what it feels like and want it even more. But I’m trying to be more of a no regrets person. Like YOLO but not idiotic (if that makes any sense). Anyways, hope you guys enjoy Kelly Clarkson’s (almost) comeback song as much as I do. Until later, living life with no regrets is a very brave thing to do.

When I Look In Your Eyes, I Don’t See Mine

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Here is Alexz Johnson’s Skin. This song is actually from a show she was the main character of, Instant Star. It’s an amazing show (the first season is on Netflix and the other three seasons are somewhere on the internet) and this song is one of the most powerful performances of the entire show. I didn’t share the performance on the show because it’s way out of context/takes away from the song, but if you are interested here it is. I totally feel this song right now, because it is angry, but that quiet type of angry that makes you think (and scares you a little honestly). I got most of my ranting out yesterday talking to a friend, but I’m honestly still upset about my breakup. And at this point I just keep going on and on about the same things, so everyone expects me to be over it by now. It’s frustrating. Anyways, wish me luck because I am going to one of his usual hangouts tomorrow (not by choice) and I honestly don’t know what to do if I see him. This may sound so middle school drama, but I haven’t had to actually talk to him yet and I’m not planning on it. If he wanted me out of his intimate life because I was a distraction, then I’m not going to partake in his life at all. Wow I sound like a jerk. But hey I came to the realization that he pretty much dumped me because he knew he was going to have to kiss me soon and he couldn’t make that commitment. And what really sucks is that I was willing to commit (and by that I mean have my first kiss with him). Oops sorta went off on a tangent there- sorry. Until then, finding someone who will commit to you, friend or S.O, is truly a gift.

They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason

Posted on by notsovictorious431

Here is The Script’s Breakeven. This is the original music video, and even though I don’t really like it, it’s the best audio version out there. I picked this song because it describes a little of how I’m feeling right now. It’s also another one of those old pop songs you hear every so often and remember how much you liked it. If you weren’t aware, I was recently dumped (this past Monday in fact-another good reason to dislike Mondays) and I am still hurt by it. One minute I’m thinking about how I will get my first kiss soon, how I won’t be alone for Valentine’s Day (for once) and how I might be (kinda sorta maybe) falling in love. The next minute (over text and on the bus mind you) all those things are taken away from me and I’m supposed to be okay with that. Like my feelings will magically vanish or something. What hurts even more is that he didn’t even break up with me because he didn’t have feelings for me anymore, he just told me he needed to ‘focus on school’ (his parents told him to do that)  and that ‘high school relationships don’t last anyways so it didn’t matter whether it was 100 days or just 1 together’ (rough quote here). I’m still upset because 1. I gave someone that much power to affect my daily life and they abused it 2. he basically said our relationship never really mattered and 3. he didn’t care enough to prove to his parents he could do school and a relationship. And as great as it would be for him to realize how miserable he is without me (which won’t happen because he ‘doesn’t need people’), I will honestly have trouble trusting anyone for a little while. Sorry about the rant, guys. I can’t really talk about this stuff out loud because I will start crying and nobody really seems to want to listen. I mean everyone expects you to not be in a long relationship with your first boyfriend because you are just ‘testing out the waters’ anyways. Though I can’t really tell if you guys are there are not, this is much better than ranting to myself. Until later, I hope everything happens for a reason.

Just How Sweet Sixteen Will Be

Posted on by notsovictorious431

Hey guys! Things have been crazy lately, but I always try to find time for this because it’s very important. Without my blog, I may go crazy (or crazier) and end up ranting to my cat. Anyways, my birthday is in less than 2 days and I’m super pumped about it. So here is just how sweet sixteen will be:

  • I can actually work and get paid without a permit. I’m excited about this because I would love to have some spending money instead of having to ask my parents for everything (I know I will get over this feeling in college though)
  • I may have my first kiss soon and I think 16 is the perfect age for it. (but honestly I’ve been wishing for it to happen since I was 12)
  • I get to go to Disney World with my drama department and since it’s my birthday present, I may pretend it’s my birthday. Yeah I know I’m a terrible person but free stuff. (Not even sorry.)
  • I can sing 16 going on 17 with conviction, which is every musical theatre girls’ dream (or at least mine). I even have someone to sing the guy part that is 17 going on 18. But we probably shouldn’t sing it considering Ralph is a Nazi sympathizer and that relationship didn’t quite work out. (Not cool bro)
  • In a lot of books I’ve read and movies I’ve seen, 16 is when things happen to people. And though at this point I have all I really want, it will be interesting to see what occurs. (considering I can’t get a Hogwarts letter, probably not much)
  • I’m actually excited to look back and see how I’ve changed. Usually on my birthday everyone comes up with stories of what I did when I was younger and whatnot. It’s a good time to reminisce.
  •  I can get my Driver’s permit and be out on the road (as long as it’s not dark and my mom is there). So I’m basically a free bird now. Just kidding but I’m excited about driving so I won’t have to plan my schedule around my parents.

It’s so crazy that I’m almost 16. And though I can think of some negatives to being 16, I’m trying not to dwell on them (being optimistic and whatnot). Thanks for tuning in to this episode of ” Weekly Rants” by Yours Truly. (just kidding) Until later, know older does not mean wiser.